For the record

• I can now feel the baby move!  (B, hope you didn't just throw up in your mouth a little)  It started last Tuesday. Although, I did think I felt it around 15 weeks, but not again, so I was a tad bit worried.  Well, let me just say I usually don't start to feel it until around 9:00pm.  This baby totally has night and day confused.  That's going to be loads of fun when he/she is here.  I've been feeling it pretty much every day since.  Sometimes a lot and sometimes just a few times.  Pretty much exclusively late at night, except for last night around 7:30 when Aaron and I were watching White Christmas during one of the musical numbers.  Apparently, the child likes some music. 
• Speaking of music, Aaron bought me a Squeezebox for Christmas.  For those of you that don't know what a Squeezebox is, it's like a radio that plays different Internet and social network music.  Like, I can play the music on Facebook or on Pandora (Pandora being why I wanted it).  Ever since I experienced it at B and D's house, I have wanted one.
• I'm totally getting sick.  Ugh.  I was just bragging last Wednesday night at work that I haven't been sick, since November of last year.  Well, flash forward to my drive home that night and suddenly my throat was sore.  I'm going to try to fight it off, but I'm pretty sure my sinuses have already thrown in the towel.  Thanks for that, my friends.
• Ultrasound on Thursday.  Yes, we will find out the sex!  Woot!  This baby better cooperate.  I'm going to promise things like ponies, castles and candy, if he/she will just not be modest for one day.
• We're celebrating Christmas with my family tomorrow.  I cannot wait!  I've already had a pretty fantastic Christmas.  The family time and cuddling with Aaron has been amazing.  Not to mention that everyone must think I've been good this year because I've gotten way too many gifts.  Here are some of things that I've received so far:  the Squeezebox, Juno, a zombie video game (that I lost interest in after 30 minutes, but Aaron played for an hour), two new scarves, a Baby-G watch, a new hair dryer, my Kat Von D eyeliner, multiple sweet pea hand sanitizers, date night gift cards, one for Chiles/Macaroni Grill/Maggiano's and one for the movie theater, a meat thermometer that you put into the meat your cooking, but the base stays on the counter top, lots of lotion, felt flower brooches hand made by B, candy, cold hard cash that I used for the Portia De Rosi book and my Baby Bargains book (I still have $70+ left), a cute owl figurine/decor thingy, a new Christmas ornament, and more things that I can't think of right now.  Insane, right?  I still have tomorrow too.  
• I reached out to the Bio dad's mom, who really was the one that took care of me when I went to his house.  She's called me about a million times since and I still have not called her back, but I plan on it.  I didn't realize the bio dad lives with her, so he could answer the phone.  I did it for the baby though because I guess he/she has a right to know them.  I love my grandmother to death, so I should have reached out sooner, but it was complicated.  I'll leave it at that.  I have this bad feeling like, "What have I done?" 
• I get to drive home on slick roads. Yea!  Not.  I love snow when I'm at home and not having to drive home at 1:00am in the morning.  I love when people keep walking in saying, "Those roads are getting bad out there."

That's it and that's all for now.  I'll have something more interesting to say later, if you're lucky!

The dead zone

I'm at work right now.  Lucky for me, it's slow and I'm in triage.  I haven't checked in a patient in one hour and 30 minutes.  Seriously.   I'm not complaining though.  I hope tomorrow is like this too.  The only downfall is that I'm getting sleepy out here by myself.  Great, I see a car pulling in.  I think I just jinxed myself.

Anyway, until they come in, I've had some random things pop into my head lately that I've wanted to write, but haven't gotten a chance to do. 

Okay, back from checking them in.

First off, I was in the shower yesterday and I started hearing this buzzing noise.  I swear, the first thing that popped into my head was Supernatural and how spirits make tvs turn to static.  Geez, I need to pick up a hobby or something or stop watching Supernatural.  It turns out it was our hand held Yahtzee game.  It started buzzing like someone was "rolling".  It was like the key was hung and then I turned it off and beeped again a little bit later.  Maybe there was a spirit.  It's just like something my dad would do, only I was in the shower, with a clear shower curtain and that just makes the situation even weirder and gross.

Great.  Now someone is in the lobby telling someone on the phone that there is no one here.  Bring all your friends to the ER at 12:51.  You know, it's funny because people actually come to the ER together.  I mean, friends will ride together and come up here and check in together.  Seriously.  Next time I hang out with one of you let's just jump in the car and head to the nearest ER.  It'll be loads of fun.  We'll pee in cups, be stuck by needles, and hopefully, get a little radiation from X-rays.  Sounds like oodles of fun, right?  All I have to say is people are strange, man.

Moving on, I saw the cutest thing on one of the blogs I follow about bringing a book instead of a card to a baby shower.  Now, that is an awesome idea.  I mean, you throw cards away, but books will last fo' evs.  Plus, I'm nuts about books. 

Okay, so I didn't get to finish this last night.  I'm finishing it now at 2:12 AM.  Today work was a nightmare.  Yesterday may have been the dead zone, but today was a pay back for it.  I didn't get to eat..again.  I managed to eat a banana, some grapes and granola bar around 11:00 PM.  All I had before that was some scrambled eggs and two pieces of toasts.  Funny though, I didn't really notice any hunger because we were so slammed.  I just started feeling weird and disoriented, probably a dip in blood sugar, around 10:00 PM.  I'm good now.  Exhausted, but good.

Other things I was going to write last night was that I had one of the best compliments I think I could get from one of my patients this week.  She asked me how long I had been a nurse and I told her 10 months (actually, I think I may have said a year. I usually round up because it sounds better).  She said something along the lines, "Oh really, you don't seem intimidated by it all.  I would have never have guessed that.  I would think you had been doing it longer because you do it with such ease."  Wow.  That is awesome!

I have been craving a cheeseburger for days now.  Every time I drive by McDonald's, which is twice on my way from work, I think, "I could just stop and get one."  I have to remind myself that McDonald's=the devil.  I don't know why I like their sorry little hamburger so much.  I think a Five Guys burger would fix this craving for a while.

I had a patient take off her coat (she was a tiny little thing) and her mother, who shops on the plus side of the clothing store, said, "My gosh, you're so tiny."  The funny thing was is that it didn't sound like just a comment or a compliment.  It sounded straight up like jealousy and was in a snarky tone.  I was like, "Whaaaa..?"  Being a nurse is kind of like people watching only you get to interact.   I'll say it again, people are strange, man.

I find it very ironic that I have more confidence now more than ever.  My face looks straight up like I'm a fifteen year old.  I have never in my life broken out this badly.  I'm even starting to be persuaded by all the celebrities that "use" Proactive.  Okay, is it me, or are their before/after pictures ridiculous.  Wow, you have some tiny little bumps by your chin that were magnetized, so that we can actually see them.   Poor you, Jessica Simpson.  It must be so hard to be them.  Don't call me crater face next time you see me or I'll be forced to buy some.

I'm sure there was more, but I'm literally swaying because I'm so tired.  Time to rest my weary head.  I'm off for the next two days.  Woot!  Maybe you'll get a more exciting post than this and one that makes a little more sense. 

Odds and ends

Okay, so Cycle 2 is a go.  This time I get to give myself an injection in my stomach.  So, so fun.  Now, mum's the word from here on out, even if you bug me and try to get it out of me, Esther.  Like I said, it feels better this time around, I don't know why.

I'm off to work today.  Boo.  I'm already so tired from getting up early to go to the doctor's appointment.  I guess the good thing about going in at 1:00 pm is that you can still get stuff done before going in, but I guarantee that I will paying for it later, say, at, oh, 1:00 am when I'm driving home.

Speaking of work, there is nothing like answering a patient's call light to find them in cardiac arrest and in a full code.  That happened to me last week.  It was not awesome.  Let's just say it was not what I was expecting.  I was expecting more of "Can I get something to drink?"  You know, the usual.

My house is so neat and orderly and clean.  I have missed it so.  I've already started to notice a difference in all aspects of being just the two of us again.  As for instance, our grocery bill last night was only $131.  That should last almost two weeks. Word!  That's a heck of  a lot less.  My house feels like my home again.  I'm in love with it.  There as been more cuddling, being together, and other fun things.  Mr. O even went to the grocery with me last night.  I know, craziness.  He said he just wanted to spend time with me.  I love my husband immensely too.  I'm just so in love with my life right now.  I'd make myself sick, if I wasn't so dang happy!

Shout out to Misty!  Her first day back at school is today.  I know she's going to be amazing.  I've already warned her to leave those little boys alone. I'm so happy for her that I can't stand it.  I love to see someone following their dreams.  That's what life is all about, after all. 

Okay, so I know this is random.  My mind is racing.  I still have to update about my mom's party, which was a success!  Also, I have to do my Happy things in August.  Maybe I'll get a chance later tonight, if I'm in triage.  If not, then I guess I'll get to it tomorrow.

Hope you are all having a lovely Tuesday.  I'm off to save people's lives!  Word.  Let's hope I just cure some coughs and ailments today.  That would be better for me.

I love the color of it all

This week at work was very interesting.  It was unbelievably slow one day, which was nice, and weird, but don't worry, we got paid back for it yesterday, where I had to work over an hour.  I felt threatened for the first time in the ER.  It's the first time where I truly felt intuition at work.  That intuition said, "Get the heck out of this room."  Right as I was backing out, the patient started pushing their way out.  Luckily, I had a rolling cart/computer between us.  I completely believe in intuition.  You have instincts that show themselves when you aren't safe.  The hairs on the back of my neck stood up.  I guess, we're more animal than some want to admit.

The "diet" is going okay.  How do you not eat carbs?  They are in everything and in massive quantities!  B, I need you to forward me what you and D eat.  I have no idea how to do it effectively.  I am eating carbs with protein.  Right now, I'm eating saltines and peanut butter, like I did when I was five.  It's very hard for this sugar lover to not eat a lot of sugar too. 

I'm trying really hard to cut back on coffee too, but it's hanging onto my leg begging me to take it back and how can I say no to it's hotness and richness.  I try to explain I have to do this for my future children and to not take it the wrong way that I'm choosing unborn people over it.  This one is tough.  Green tea just doesn't seem as alluring and mysterious.  You know, I used to be all about mysterious and alluring. Old habits die hard and caffeine addiction is a ....

I actually started this post almost a week ago.  This week went by really quickly.  Somehow, I managed to have three days off, but still haven't gone to the grocery, updated my blog, or finished cleaning the house.  I'm not sure what I filled my time with.  It's pretty obvious it was not the things that I needed to do.

I'll leave you with a list of things I've been pondering lately.

• Summer nights are absolutely magical.  As I walked the dogs the other night, I actually felt an energy in the dark sky.  I have always loved summer nights.  Some of my best memories are driving around on summer nights with my windows down and music playing.  I've never really been a fan of summer, besides the getting out of school part when I was younger, but for the last few years, I have really grown to appreciate it.  Maybe it's the fact that I think I appreciate everything more now.  It's easier for me to find loveliness in all things now.
• Why are there so many abscesses in Sumner County?  There is a lot of MRSA out there.  I washed up to my elbows more than once yesterday at work.  Shudder.  I can't tell you how much I say, "Take all of your antibiotics.  Every bit of them, even if, you feel better." People don't understand that we created MRSA.
• I'm seriously thinking of either going back to school to do Nurse Practioner or Physcian's Assistant.  I want to get more experience as a nurse first, but in several years, it's something I'm definitely going to check into.  One of the ladies at work told me that nothing is stopping me from becoming a doctor and some of the best doctors were actually nurses first.  We shall see.  Medical School scares me to death.  It's one of the reasons that I changed my major all those years ago.
• Why does my ipod love Ben Harper and Ani Difranco so much?  I love them too, but when I put it on shuffle, I'd like to hear more than just two artists. 

Late nights all alone

Yep, a bunch of late nights all alone.  At first, the idea of nights alone are fun.  You can do what you want and watch what you want and not have to answer to anyone.  Take for instance, now, I'm watching Julie and Julia.  Love that movie.  I would have loved to have hung out with Julia Child.  I think, if having to chose five people dead or alive to have to a dinner party, I would definitely chose Julia. I think I would even have Johnny Depp offer up his chair to her. 

So, the thing about nights alone are that you are all alone.  I get quite lonely actually.  I read all my blogs, write a blog occasionally (expect more entries), read a book, write menus, read magazines, and so on until I utterly have nothing to do.  Keep in mind that I can't do anything that really makes a lot of noise because I'm awake in a house full of sleeping people.

Now, don't get me wrong.  You can find me on occasion longingly thinking of the things that I will do in a few hours when everyone is asleep, but for the most part, when I'm not running around having lunches or doing errands, I spend much of my days off by myself too.  That's a lot of time to spend with one person. 

Now, this isn't a pity me entry.  I'm just sad about the fact that for the next three days I will work, which means I will get to see my husband for a few hours before I go to work on Sunday and then not until Monday evening, when he gets home from work.  We will be two sleeping bodies beside each other all weekend. 

I've had to come to terms with this before when I worked mostly night and mid-shifts.  Well, my mind has seemed to erase those terms.  I've had a sense of pending doom, since I realized, after my orientation, I would really have to work 1:00 P.M. to 1:00 A.M. 

My blog is a place of honesty.  After all, most of what I write flows from my head through my fingers and out without any editing at all most of the time.  You will find virtually no filter here.  Well then, to be honest I was a crying a mess when I first had to adjust to working odd hours.  I missed Aaron and quite frankly, got sick of hanging out with just me late at night.  Well, I haven't cried, yet, but as I type this, I have a lump of self-pity in my throat.

I've come to realize a few things over the past seven months.  The first being that my husband really is a huge piece of my world and I need him a lot more than he needs me.  Secondly, a nurse's schedule isn't all that it's cracked up to be.  And lastly, I hate being the new girl and readjusting to a new environment.

Okay, enough with the pity party.  Back to my movie and cuddling on the couch with myself.

In other news

Well, I'm officially back on my night shift (1p-1a) work schedule starting tomorrow.  I forced myself to stay up last night to try to get back into my routine.  You may have noticed all the blog entries, which were an attempt to keep my eyes open.  I made it to 1:00 a.m., which was out of sheer determination. 

Our weekend was family filled and fun.  I love a good, long weekend.  We played corn hole, watched our men act like boys with large remote control cars and an obstacle course, acted like it was not raining and stood our ground outside, played Scrabble, watched movies, worked outside in our yard and finished up the weekend at P.F. Chang's and Starbucks. 

This weekend, I work Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, so I won't really see my husband at all until Monday evening when he gets home from work, due to the fact that he is working Saturday and Sunday and will be leaving early in the morning, which I will be happily sleeping through.  I guess I should look at it from positive light.  Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?  Yeah, that person probably didn't have a good relationship.

Well, I'm off to clean the house, get a little exercise in, and do some grocery shopping.  Such a fun day off! Yes, that was sarcasm.  I'll leave you with a look at our menu the next week and a half.  It has been a while, since I gave you all a peek.

Tuesday:  Sweet Potato and Hominy Soup
Wednesday:  I'm working, so I'm suggesting veggie burgers, but my menu says, "Fend for yo' self!"
Thursday:  Roasted tomato spaghetti, salad and bread
Friday:  Leftovers
Saturday:  Salmon with orange mustard sauce, skillet green beans, and rice for lunch, they are on their own for dinner
Sunday:  Veggie pizza for lunch, Audra is cooking dinner, since I'll be at work
Monday:  Roast chicken, carrot souffle, mashed potatoes & blueberry cake (chicken salad with the leftovers for lunch on Tuesday)
Tuesday:  Buchons Au Thon, toasted orzo with peas and parmesan, and salad
Wednesday:  Black bean burgers with mango salsa, broccoli slaw with cranberries, and chips

Random Tuesdays

Let the randomness ensue!

• Today I've made some head way on my long, long To-Do List. Finally.
• Being on the computer really zaps time. I some how spent three hours basically emailing, talking to friends, and checking Google Reader. Wow.
• This is what I had for lunch. All organic, besides the salad dressing, and delicious!

• Speaking of food, I cannot stand when people are eating and I'm not. I can't stand the sound of chewing and don't even get my started about chewing with your mouth open. It really makes me sick. I've been this way as long as I remember. Lucky me, I usually finish dinner way before Mr. O and get to hear him chew for 30 minutes after I'm done. I make an exception to him though, but you may find me humming in head or turning up the TV to hide the noise.
• Ah, Giada has a new line of cookware at Target. I love it, but I don't love her, which makes me hesitant on buying it. I hate that. Arrogance and rudeness are two more pet-peeves of mine. I saw her on Oprah and on a cooking contest show and she was so rude. She even gave a snide comment to Oprah on HER show! That kind of thing really turns me off to a person. That's why I don't watch, unless Aaron really wants too, films with Hillary Swank or Tom Cruise. We may be different from each other, but that doesn't mean you are better than other people.
• Check out Blood, Sweat, and T-shirts, if you have the Green Channel, which I can't seem to remember the channel number. It really makes you think and appreciate what you have. We watched Blood, Sweat, and Take-aways also. That one focused on food and where it comes from. This series focuses on clothes, how they are made and the poor workers. It makes me grateful that I live in the USA and makes me ashamed for how much we take for granted. Oh my goodness, one of my Target shirts was on the first episode. The shirt I bought was made by people making $2.00 a day. How sad is that?
• I'm glad the snow is almost gone. It was fun and all, but I'm glad the roads are clearing.
• I'm on a mission this week to do a little thrifting for some new every day dishes. My plan is to get a bunch of different ones. I think it'll make a fun table setup when we have guests over. Plus, my target every day dishes are starting to crack, chip, etc, not bad for having them eight years. I think we're down to five or six plates out of 12.
• I met up with my friend, Christy, for dinner last night. It was so fun! I miss seeing all my friends. It's much harder when jobs, responsibilities, and children come into play as you get older.
• I washed my great-grandmother's quilt today. She made it just for me. It brings so many memories back, like building things with empty spools of thread in front of the warm stove/furnace, helping her cook, while sitting on a red, metal 1950's stool, the smell of the bathroom soap, which smelled very grandmotherly, and watching the Christmas parade because we usually went on Christmas Eve every year. I wish I could use the quilt because it's very pretty, but I'm terrified to mess it up, especially considering that I was the last one to get one made for them before she died.
• I got called into work tomorrow. Boo, hiss, boo. It's good for our bank account though. I'm grateful that I have a job too, so no more complaining.
• I better head to bed because I have to get up at 4:20 to eat and leave in time to make it to work by 7:00. Sigh.

Random Tuesdays

• I am in love with the song “These Days” by Nico. When I hear the music a smile comes across my whole body from my feet up.
• I took my social security card out of my wallet, so that I wouldn’t lose it and because it’s frowned upon to carry it around on you now. Well, by taking it out, I lost it! Seriously. Ugh. I need it for Thursday when I go fill out paperwork for my new job. That’s right, new job! There will be more to come on that.
• Why can’t Ani Difranco play a show here? I’m really sorry that I missed you last time you were here, Ani. Don’t hold that against me and come back sooner rather than later. I could use a good show.
• I found some pretty awesome finds at Goodwill today, including a Jesus painting that invoked weird stares from Mr. O and his sister. All I know is the lady that checked me out at Goodwill said, "Well, I knew he wouldn't last long." I will definitely post them later, which reminds me that I really should add some photos here. I know you want more from me than just words.