Danger..watch yourself

So, I love texting now. Yes, I'm a little late on that one too. I know it's impersonal or whatever, but I like being able to carry on a conversation with several people at one time. The other day, for instance, I was texting with four people at the same time. Love it! However, I discovered a flaw, the hard way. I basically called a friend a mfer. Yes, you know the word. Now, had it been in person, they would have known that I that I have an affinity for that word and that I was calling the situation a mfer, not the person. I haven't heard from them since. Hmmm. This is brings me to my post. Here is a list of things you should know about me, just in case, something happens, so that you know that I'm not intentionally doing something that hurts your feelings, nor am I crazy, even if I seem to be some of the time.

1. Mfer is now my go to profanity word. Mainly, I say it a lot in my head, but occasionally, I say it out loud, especially when driving in my car. I usually don’t call a person that, unless it's in traffic and they deserve it or they are just a mfer. Times I would use it: when Kroger is out of the milk I buy (Mfer!), when I’m left by myself at work because the main five or six people that I talk to are all out on the same day (Mfer!), when I run into something and hurt myself (Mfer!), etc, etc. You get the idea. Think of me how you like. I don't care.
2. If I don’t say hi to you in the morning or even notice you, it’s because I haven’t had my coffee and I don’t function well early in the morning. I will never be a morning person. EVER.
3. Aaron and I say, “I’m going to punch you in the face or I’d like to punch you in the face,” or some other variation. If I ever say that to you, it’s actually a term of endearment. We’re not sick, we got it from a movie, where a guy said it to his girlfriend and then they both laughed. We were like, “What?!” It stuck ever since. Of course, my sister-in-law used it against me not too long ago and I was like, “Hey, that’s not nice,” and she was like, “You guys say it all the time. That’s what I meant.” Oh, funny.
4. I like hanging out with guys, almost better than girls. They are easier. You don’t have to worry about superficial things and you can just kind of chill, unless, of course, you proposition them and then things could become weird, not that I’ve ever done that. Sometimes I'd rather just hang with them and talk about nothing or sit in silence.
5. I over think things. Can you tell, can you tell, can you tell? It’s a quirky feature that you learn to love. Really. Maybe tolerate.
6. I have a really immature sense of humor sometimes. My mind immediately “goes to the gutter.” That’s probably why I get along well with guys. Example: “He really likes Bush.” I’m cracking up now.
7. Sometimes my ghetto comes out. It’s very wannabe ghetto, but still, don’t be surprised if the following comes out in emails, texts, or in person: Shoo, word, holla, fo’ reals, chedda, smalls, etc, etc. You will never see me breaking it down to 101.1 the beat though. That’s reserved for my kitchen, usually with my niece, Ava, who’s two. I have her doing the whole break it down with the head shake. That’s how we roll.
8. Very wannabe G guys love me. I don’t even have to say anything in #7. I don’t know why. I must exude my inner wannabe ghetto self. They are ballsy too. I’ve been propositioned several times with Aaron right next to me. Yes, I just threw this one in because I think it's hilarious.
9. I get really bored, really quickly. My mind goes a thousand different directions at the same time. Sometimes it may come off a little crazy or random. I’d prefer to think of it as spontaneous and fun.
10. I remember a lot of things. I mean, a lot of things! I don’t know why. It’s the gift of a great memory. Don’t think I’m stalking you, will be standing outside your window playing “our” song or go all single white female on you, if I mention what you said or were wearing two months ago. It’s not my fault. My brain just likes to hold on to things fo’ eva.