Good luck with your demands!

Toddlers are terrorists. There is no negotiating with them. I mean, they can even bring grown men to their knees. I happen to live with the most adorable little pig-tailed wearing, cherub like two year-old. Over the past month or so, things have slowly started to change and the pendulum is swinging in her favor. I can’t get over how smart she is or the ways that she gets out of things. It’s mind-blowing. Not only can I learn a thing or two, but I’m pretty sure the CIA or any con artist/thief could benefit and take some notes.

Ways to get out of a situation or get your way, Ava style!

1. Don’t like what is put in front of you to eat, merely act like your chewing or drinking. If questioned or asked, state that you are chewing and can’t take another bite or hold your drink in your mouth, so it’s slightly tilted, so that no one will notice that you aren’t actually eating or drinking anything. Most importantly, move the food around on your plate to hide the evidence. In another tactic, if asked if you want a bite, hold up your hand and shake your head, while slightly turned and say, “No, I’m fine. I’m fine,” or stating that you’re “too full” (This one had us all turning our heads, so not to be seen laughing, so that the tactic wouldn’t be considered cute or successful, in hopes that it wouldn’t be used often.)
2. If you want to dance and the person you want to dance with doesn’t want too, then first state,” I want to dance,” while smiling. If the person doesn’t except, raise your voice one to two octaves, decreasing the smile and repeat the offer to dance. If the person declines again, state, “But I want to dance,” while looking forlorn, let tears well-up slightly, but not too much, in your eyes, and look like all your hopes and dreams have been crushed with that one decline. You’ll get the dance. You will definitely get it.
3. If you want to thoroughly do some damage to ones ego, spend time with them all day, laughing at their jokes and asking them to hold you. Just when you have them in the palm of your hand, tell them to “Go away!” with disgust and, if they proceed to advance toward you or get in your way, push past them, while telling them to move and get into your (play) car and smile at them as you drive away. It’s crushing. Don’t do it too often though because they will eventually catch on, but if you’re cute enough, it won’t matter. They will fall for it every time.
4. If reprimanded, told no, or on the verge of being put (into a corner) out, then cry and cry a lot. Cry like you’re heart has been shattered into a million pieces. Let your tears be monstrous in size and every once in a while say the name of the person that did the reprimanding in a pitiful, apologetic and pleading way. Once they finally give in and console you, don’t let them see the smile come across your face, the instant stop of the tears, or the way your voice sounds remarkably unaffected.

Those are just a few. I won’t divulge any more out of respect for Ava’s talent. I thought the teenaged years were going to be the hardest parenting years, but I definitely have been corrected and have started taking notes.