Weightless

I'm in a good place right now.  The best place that I have ever been in my whole life.  I can't really explain it, but have you ever thought there is a plan for you?  My old self would be mortified that I'm typing this.  I used to be, let's just say, less than religious.  Now you won't find me in church every Sunday, but that doesn't mean that I don't believe that there is something bigger than us.  I also don't believe that this bigger something is going to shun us for not going to church two days a week.  Doesn't that just go against everything that Christianity stands for?  We're not supposed to judge, right? 

One of the things that I have disliked about certain churches I have tried is that they do judge, very much so and we don't have the right to judge each other.  So what, they believe in Buddha, they don't celebrate their birthday, or they have mass.  We all know that their is something bigger than us, but the face of what it is shouldn't matter as long as we believe.

I use the term the Universe, but I believe it's a combination of a higher power, our spirits and energy, and our actions.  It took my dad dying for me to see the bigger picture.  It slapped me across the face that day.  How could I have been so judgemental about what people believed and religion?  I have never turned back to the way that I was then.  It's like a weight lifted off my shoulders that day.

This idea started being implanted years ago.  When I was 21 years-old, I fell asleep at the wheel driving home after a night of drinking and only having three hours of sleep in almost 48 hours.  I woke up in time to turn the wheel to avoid a huge tree, one I would find out later that had claimed many lives.  I ended up going inbetween a telephone pole and another tree.  When the officer got on the scene, he stood in between the telephone pole and the tree and held out his arms and his fingertips almost touched.  Essentially, my car had just enough room to get through the two of them.  He said something along the lines of, "Do you realize how lucky you are?  Someone was watching over tonight.  You need be very thankful that you are even alive."  I remember thinking, "Yeah, right."  Of course, with that being said, I didn't go out for a while.  My friends would call begging me to come out and I said, "No."  What that officer said had been pushed to the back of my mind, but it was still there.

Later that same year, I would do something even stupider.  I won't elaborate on what happened, but I was a lucky girl twice.  I wouldn't look back on this event for years, but after my dad died, I took a look back at my life and thought how lucky I had been..twice.

Lately, that feeling of there being a plan for me has been on my mind a lot.  It's a combination of other things and this knowledge of near death experiences.  I almost feel like I'll know what it is soon. I have no idea why or how I could possibly know this, but there is this gut feeling lingering. 

Of course, if I don't find it out for years, I'll be okay with that too.  I know it's something and I won't stop believing that.  This place I'm in is magical and carefree and weightless.  I wish I had opened myself up to it years ago.

Don't call the psych ward on me!  Besides you're not supposed to judge me, remember?  I believe what I believe and no one can take that away from me.  I only hope you all find this weightless and freeing energy at some point in your life.  To be out from under the self-hatred and constraints of what other's believe is a gift.  It's a gift that I won't soon forget or throw away.