When will I learn...

• not to open the perfume samples in magazines.  They hardly ever smell good and then you're left with a horrible smell every time you open the magazine.  Yuck.
• that the bike helmet that the kid behind us left in his yard is not a dead animal or a small human head.  I swear, every time I walk to my car I do a double take and think, "Oh my gosh, what is it?  Is it a small human head?"  I'm been doing this for like a month.  I'm annoying myself!
• to put an extra pair of scrubs in my car.  I almost got projectile vomited on by a five year old on Saturday.  It was very, very close. 
• not to tell strangers my name when I answer they phone and they ask, "Who is this?"  Um, I learned that one at like five from my mother.  I might as well say, "Hey, stalker!  Here I am.  Come and get me!"  I am being pranked called from not one, but two numbers and one of them is using a voice disguiser.  Talk about scary!  I'm freaked out.  It's definitely at least two guys.  One of them accidentally left me a message on my voicemail when he told someone else, "You said she was on the phone. It went to her voicemail."  I have no clue who it is.  It's not like I give my number out to strangers.  Maybe they randomly found my number.  I won't answer any unknown number now, so if you call me from a strange number, make sure you leave a voicemail and please don't use a voice disguiser!  I swear, I watch too many scary movies and CSI!